Hey there

At this time last year I was sitting alone in my dorm room, not studying for my last final, and wondering whether or not I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life. I was pretty confused, extremely depressed, and not very certain about what I wanted or even who I was. All I could do was trust my instincts.

Thanks, instincts. You led me into the arms of the most wonderful man in the world- my best friend and my future husband. You also led me to the most innovative and unbelievably amazing school on the planet. And somehow you also helped me realize it was finally time to lose weight (and keep it off) and start making healthier choices.

Then                                                                              Now
220 lbs                                                                         160 lbs
Single/involved with a guy who was not              In a serious, loving relationship (soon-to-be
good for me                                                                 engaged, actually) with my soulmate
At a school I knew was all wrong for me               Still pinching myself because sometimes I cannot
                                                                                      believe COA is real
Couldn't run 30 seconds without gasping            Have completed four 5Ks, one 10K, and am
for breath                                                                     currently training for a half-marathon
Was afraid to dance, alone or in public                 Planning on becoming a Zumba instructor. Danced
                                                                                      in a shopping mall in front of hundreds of people.

It's really interesting to think about which decisions spurred which outcomes. If I didn't take the job at Mind Body Sole, I wouldn't have started running or doing Zumba. If I hadn't left UGA, I wouldn't have been looking for a job during my semester off. If I hadn't gone to UGA, I wouldn't have had a semester off because I would have been in school. Also, if I hadn't gone to UGA, I would never have met the friend who convinced me to make an account on OkCupid. If I hadn't made that account, I wouldn't have met my boyfriend. And if I hadn't met my boyfriend...well, I guess I wouldn't know exactly what I was missing, but I wouldn't have found the most perfect person for me.

All of this thinking/connecting the dots is exhausting(!!!) Basically even though I ended up leaving UGA, it was a huge part of my life, and important for so many different reasons. I learned so much about myself while I was there...and I've become a much stronger, more assertive, and more confident person as a result.

Enough reminiscing. I'm really tired. Got up at 7:00ish, ran 2 miles, worked 9:30-5:30, ate dinner, caught up with things online, edited my boyfriend's paper, and now thinking about all of the things I should be doing...

Whatever. Going to wrap the last of the Christmas presents and just relax until bedtime :)

I've gotten back on track with my diet...hoping it will stay that way (relatively, I'm totally allowing indulgences! Two parties this weekend [yikes] and then Christmas next weekend!)

Breakfast: one vegan waffle w/ 1 tbsp Better 'N' Peanut Butter [AMAZING], Morningstar Farm veggie sausage patty, strawberry soy yogurt

Lunch: baby carrots w/ roasted red pepper hummus, garlic Melba toast snacks, banana, salad [spring mix, cucumber, celery, tomato, pumpkin seeds] w/ homemade Italian dressing

Snack: rice crackers

Dinner: Morningstar Farm Grillers Original veggie burger on a light wheat bun w/ BBQ sauce and relish, roasted sweet potatoes and onions, steamed brussel sprouts

Snack/dessert: unsweetened candy cane tea and...a CANDY CANE (duh)

Intake: 1613 cal
Outtake: 222 cal [2 mi run]
Net: 1391 cal

I mean a little higher than I used to want, but it's all good. I didn't binge, I ate healthfully, and I feel completely satisfied. That's all I can ask of myself.
                                                                             

Mega-update

I haven't updated in almost a week! Yikes. In my defense I have been busy. It was the last week of fall term, and although I finished most of my assignments early, I was busy seeing friends, packing, and getting ready to come home for six weeks!
I am writing this from my living room at home. It's so nice to be back. This weekend my boyfriend and I baked bread (first time for either of us). We somehow destroyed the sourdough flavor but it's good bread all the same. He made me a vegan dinner on Saturday! And we went out for a nice dinner last night. Yes, a lot of our relationship involves around food. We also watched many hours of the Food Network yesterday (it's the only TV I actually enjoy watching).
I think my favorite moment from the weekend was on Saturday night. I was playing guitar and he asked me to play "that song" from Juno. We sang "Anyone Else But You" together and it just felt really perfect. I was crying by the time we stopped singing.
This week is going to be great. This afternoon I'm going to the gym with my sister, and then we're drinking some vegan peppermint hot chocolate, eating candy canes, and watching Christmas movies. On Wednesday I'm going to pick up my number/shirt for the 5K I'm running on Thanksgiving morning (and hopefully getting some autographs from Joan Benoit Samuelson and Bill Rodgers..EEEEK!!)...as well as doing some Thanksgiving cooking. What's on the menu?

• Vegan stuffing
• Vegan pumpkin pie
• Apple pie
• Fish (for the non-vegans/vegetarians)
• Baked sweet potatoes/regular potatoes
• Salad
• Roasted vegetables
• Cranberry sauce
• Tempeh (for my sister and I)

I LOVE THANKSGIVING! We were originally going out to eat but I am so glad my parents decided it made more sense to stay home. It'll be cheaper, more fun, and there will be food I can eat (I don't think there was anything vegan at the buffet we were going to). I'm baking the pie on Wednesday and making the stuffing too, since we only have one very small oven and my mom needs to use it Thursday morning. 

And on Black Friday, my best friend and I are going to NYC to see an opera...and then we're going to participate in Occupy Wall Street. He went last Thursday and almost got arrested...and was photographed by some reporter. His photo was on CBS and CNN. I am so proud of him. I really need to go to OWS...I've needed to for so long. I will regret it forever if I don't go, and honestly, I'm not afraid of getting arrested. The more I think about it, the more I realize getting arrested is a small price to pay for standing up for what's right. Sounds corny but it's true.

In other news...MY BOYFRIEND GOT INTO COA! Wow actually a lot has happened since I last updated. He'll be starting in January! We're hoping we can get an apartment together but still not sure if that's possible...I'm waiting for the housing person at OUR school to get back to me. Regardless it's going to be amazing to be there with him...and amazing for him because he'll be at a school that's right for him (versus the huge state school he's at right now).

I ran four miles yesterday! Longest run in a while, and it felt great. During the last mile and a half I was running at a pretty consistent 9:30 pace (!!) Idk if I've ever maintained that pace for so long..it felt really good and not that difficult. 

I am determined to run the half-marathon in February. My parents are paying for my registration as part of my Christmas present. And next fall? I will run my first marathon. Watch me. 

To sum up, I am very happy right now. The end. :)

Reminiscing already

I just sneezed and my eye started twitching. I'm starting to care less about being organized- that might just be a week 10 thing, or it might demarcate an actual change in my being. Not sure right now, don't care right now. I am going HOME in four days. I'm excited for a lot of reasons but I also know I'm going to be homesick for school? Schoolsick for school? Haha.

Because I doubt I'll have time during this last jam-packed week of fall term I'm going to list the highlights of the past few months now.

• That night we played all of those 'games' before we left for our OOPs trips...in reality everyone just ran around screaming and crashing into each other, and I was so fucking happy. 
• OOPs Baxter State Park extravaganza. Climbed the highest mountain in Maine; ate wicked good food; slept in a tent with four wonderful people; didn't shower for a week; slid down a natural water slide over a dozen times and bruised my butt; stargazed; CHOW CIRCLES; made the best memories EVER (ghost avocado).
• ^ "Step into the flow and then I let it go, I open my mind, my heart, and my soul. I surrender...I surrender...I surrender...I open my mind, my heart, and my soul." --> singing this at the top of Katahdin
• Playing Zombies in the dark...and almost winning (!!)
• That random improvisational jazz circle before said game of Zombies
• When we watched that movie about racism during orientation and had an amazing discussion afterward
• First (and only) contra dance of the term- an experience to be sure.
• Cooking dinner for 15 people
• How the song "Welcome Home, Son" seems to describe perfectly how it feels being here
• Listening to the wind chimes every morning and being reminded of the beginning of that^ song...seriously, it's amazing
• When we lost power during Hurricane Irene and I thought a tree was going to crash through my window
• All of the wonderful, hilarious conversations I've had with my roommate- and on that note, actually having a GOOD roommate, someone who is sweet and considerate and so much fun, so smart, such a wonderful person
• Meeting people from so many different states and countries
• All of the "warm-up" activities we started doing in CSCS..stretching circles, interpretive dance, African drumming
• Baking vegan coconut lime banana bread
• All of the company outings, where we ate all teh foods
• The many dinners/potlucks on Saturday evenings throughout the term
• JPH. Popovers. 'Nuff said about that. ALSO my 50% discount there..
• Seeing deer all the time, and almost crashing into one while walking on campus
• People sleeping outside in hammocks. Even right now. It's November.
• Hiking the Jordan Cliffs by myself...and feeling invincible
• When we dyed our hair and someone's hair turned green and then we tried to use Crystal Light to get it out
• Potluck at the blue house; word games; homemade beer; so much SALAD
• Performing at the open mic...one of the scariest and most liberating things I've done in a while
• As much trouble as it gave me, my service-learning project was an amazing experience
• The fact that I am actually starting to LIKE TOFU
• Finding the ultimate smoothie combination at the cafe (blueberry+raspberry+apple cider)
• Watching the sunset from the pier
• Reminding myself every day that yes, I live here, yes, this is my life, yes, it is fucking amazing
• Ladies Night at Geddys...aka Shirley Temples all around
• Cinnamon buns..the time they worked and the time they didn't
• The various incarnations of our 'M' jokes
• Salad bar snob
• Penis head
• Morning glory
• Hair similarities
• Borderline stalking
• The time aforementioned individual chased someone around the room
• The time aforementioned individual was doing a juice fast and acted like he was on speed
• Finally being introduced to Bollywood films and Indian cinema...which I love
• The time we had a class brunch meeting during a storm and no one showed up
• The time aforementioned individual told me my paper was publishable. UM
• Getting to write about Derrick Jensen for one of my final papers
• COMPOSTING
• Finally getting introduced to critical theory/cultural studies
• CULTURE JAMMIN'
• FINALLY UNDERSTANDING LACAN
• Learning how to make kale chips
• Becoming better at reusing things instead of just recycling them
• Discovering Serendipity and the Goodwill...no need to buy new clothes ever again
• Seeing Bubble Rock!!
• Finally figuring out why the fuck Eyes Wide shut used to freak me out
• Hearing the people in my house make beautiful music very frequently
• Living amongst so many open-minded and wonderful people
• Convocation! Cook out! Bar Island Swim!
• Getting that awesome wool hat for 8 bucks
• Actually being pushed really hard by a professor...being challenged and forced to produce work that is the very best of my abilities
• Scoring a job on-campus. Woot.
• The time they put rosewater in the cake..
• Prank phone calls
• "I do Zumba while I drive" "WHAT THE HELL"
• Davis's lecture, and how it changed my life, sort of...and inspired a new tattoo idea
• Pedagogy of the Oppressed
• Getting Jenna's zine in the mail
• Trying to become a less judgmental person and succeeding in a lot of respects
• When we fucked up the pumpkin pie and just ate it ALL
• Halloween decorations
• Putting an end to my caffeine dependency!
• Having really meaningful conversations EVERY DAY
• Making collages for the first time in years
• Becoming more conscious of my own actions in relation to the environment/being "green"
• Everything I did with my boyfriend when we got to see each other including
• Apple picking
• Cooking and baking
• Making him eat vegetables!
• Watching Big Bang Theory
• Dressing up fancy and going out for dinner
• Editing papers
• Having "intellectual" conversations
• Singing songs and slow-dancing around my room
• Squishing ourselves into my tiny bed
• Our numerous (infinite) Skype calls
• Buying sweaters together
• Guitar lessons
• Seeing his favorite local band play
• Perhaps most importantly-- deciding that WE'RE GETTING ENGAGED IN DECEMBER
• HE brunch meeting. wicked good.
• That night my friend and I had shitty days (forced to stay in class for 3 hours, angry at the world, etc.) and ate so much Chinese food we almost threw up
• ACTUALLY GETTING SLEEP. Is this college?
• Running/walking on the Shore Path...at sunrise. heaven.
• Actually getting to see the sun rise and set all of the time
• When they have granola without nuts at breakfast
• Discovering I am no longer allergic to soy milk!
• The morning I volunteered at the farm- honestly, it was worth the soreness in my legs that didn't go away for over a WEEK (i think)
• Silly webcam photos
• Puppet show the day before classes started
• Midsummer Night's Dream
• Learning so many new things and developing so many new interests

You'll laugh, but this is by no means an exhaustive list.
And now I'm going to bed. And doing it all over again in the morning. And for the next four years...this is my life, and it is as close to perfect as a life could be.

Dear housemate.

WHY ARE YOU WHISTLING IN THE BATHROOM SO LOUDLY I CAN HEAR YOU? IT IS 12:24 AM AND I AM ABOUT TO GO TO SLEEP.

[Yes, in case you were wondering, I am a mega-bitch sometimes. He's still whistling...]

Oh hey there

Last night I dyed my hair reddish brown. It was kind of a spur of the moment decision but I'm happy with how it turned out. The first time I ever dyed my hair it was a similar color.
Things have been okay these past few days. I'm having food-related anxiety again. It's so weird- I'm either bingeing mindlessly or feeling like I don't want to eat at all. Today it's the latter, but that certainly has something to do with the fact that my stomach is in knots and that no one has emptied the trash in the kitchen for a while and it smells horrible. Like, it made me gag several times this morning when I was having breakfast.
I'm not even going to start listing all of the reasons why I want to live off-campus so badly, but there's one of them. Anyway. My closest friends are all going to Washington D.C. this afternoon (to participate in a protest). They'll be back Monday morning but I'm still going to miss them a lot. Hopefully I'll be productive in the meantime. I have to spend all day in the museum today and I'm hoping to finish the program I'm designing. That's pretty much my only goal for today. Also to do the rest of my laundry and work a little bit on another project.
I think I might drive to Ellsworth because I want to make sure my car is running okay. Thinking about stopping at the Goodwill since I haven't been there yet.
Okay time to do things! Bye.

I am an old lady

I really can't understand (any longer, that is) the desire to get drunk whenever the opportunity presents itself. In fact I'm slightly concerned about the fact that some people I know here are getting drunk 3 or 4 times a week- and not just Thursday-Saturday nights. I mean, yeah yeah, it's college, whatever. I have to keep reminding myself I've already been through the excitement of attending college parties as a freshman, and that I drank a lot more in high school than most people seem to. So I sort of feel like I'm "over" the whole drinking-to-get-wasted thing. Don't get me wrong- I am looking forward to turning 21 so I can go to to the bar with my boyfriend and have a beer while he forces me to sit through a soccer game (just kidding, I don't really mind that much =]) or have a glass of wine at dinner. But getting drunk really isn't all that appealing to me anymore.

Last Saturday night there was a huge Halloween party somewhere off-campus. I think a few parties were going on, actually. I felt like I should have wanted to go to one of these parties. For a brief period of time I even contemplated forcing myself to go. Then I was honest with myself- and admitted I truly didn't want to go. Sometimes I'm just really antisocial and it's good for me to force myself into interaction with others, into social situations. But that was totally not the case re: Saturday night. So instead I had a potluck dinner with a lot of people (most of whom ended up going to parties afterward), then watched a movie with some friends...and came back to my room and Skyped with my boyfriend.

I would almost always rather stay in than "go out" (whatever that means here...it's not like there are any clubs or anything of that nature). I'm still working on accepting that, however. It makes me feel abnormal, and maybe it is abnormal- but since when have I cared about being normal?

=]

To do list- Nov 2nd

• Get all class readings for Friday done
• Work on service learning project
• Possibly start my paper due on the 8th
• Laundry
• Take out trash
• Try my very hardest to go to the lecture
• Start reading Pedagogy of the Oppressed

Slightly ambitious, so FINGERS CROSSED I am feeling better tomorrow morning/I can actually sleep through the night tonight. AND NO MORE GOSSIP GIRL AFTER TONIGHT. Starting to watch that was such a bad idea. I'm already halfway through Season One..

The joys of being sick

I feel worse today, if that's even possible. I hope I don't have the flu- I don't think I do, but I suppose it's a possibility. Barely got any sleep last night-- well, that's not exactly true. I slept from 9:30 to midnight, and then I couldn't fall back asleep for a while because someone kept opening and closing doors really loudly in the hallway. Then I slept from midnight until 1:30...got up to pee, sat in bed for a while feeling sorry for myself, etc. I called my boyfriend and he kept me company until almost 4:00 while I watched a dumb ABC family movie on Netflix. Then he went to bed, I finished a movie I started the other night, and finally fell asleep again around 5:00. Woke up when my roommate came in, fell asleep right after that, woke up at 9:30ish. Missing my first class of the term...and I have the feeling I'll be missing my other two classes as well. At least I haven't skipped any in the past seven weeks.
Discovered four seasons of Gossip Girl are on Netflix. Totally what will be keeping me occupied for the day. I have stuff I could work on, but I just don't want to do anything...I'm exhausted and my body is aching. My neck is so sore. I don't think I can take any Tylenol or anything yet because I took Alleve yesterday [which didn't really help anything] and I'm trying to wait over 24 hours before taking something else. A few summers ago my mom accidentally took ibuprofren too soon after taking Alleve and had really terrible side effects. If I have a fever, though, I think I need to take Tylenol.
Blah. I'll update again later. I should get semi-dressed, brush my hair, go downstairs and wash my dishes/make some tea...

New beginning

It's time to start over-- something I've known for a while but chose to ignore, because it was much easier to just keep rolling along with the status quo. However, today I reached that point at which walking away and not looking back becomes not just possible, but necessary.
I'm leaving Tumblr and coming back to Blogspot. This isn't a full-circle journey, or anything; if I wanted to go all the way back to the very beginning of my blogging existence, I would have to make a Xanga. I probably still have about ten of them floating around in cyberspace so I'm not going to do that. Anyway, I always liked Blogger/Blogspot (not quite sure what to call it). So here I am, and here I'll stay-- not forever, but for a while.
Why am I leaving Tumblr? Tumblr is annoying and distracting. It's not a place I can get any quality writing written and posted because it's full of so much crap. I understand this is my fault because it means I am following Tumblrs that are full of 'so much crap.' But I find Tumblr in general, for me, at least, is not conducive to good writing, and especially not to good creative writing. The whole 'Dashboard' thing is just...ridiculous. The amount of time I spend scrolling through it, and pressing refresh is probably much greater than even my most generous estimates. No more!
I'm hoping this change will yield more time for actual writing. Because I was never on Tumblr so I could reblog photos and GIFs and all those cute little Internet memes. I'm not trying to disparage the people who are there for that reason-- it's perfectly fine to reblog things, and Tumblr is probably the best blogging platform out there if you what you want to do is keep a record online of images & videos you enjoy.
I've never been much of a visual learner, myself.

I also totally fell out of the habit on Tumblr of writing about my LIFE. Somewhere along the line I started feeling like just keeping a journal wasn't good enough, so I began writing lots of posts about social/political issues, why the world is so fucked up, why people know the world is so fucked up but still aren't doing anything about it, etc. You can be certain there will be posts of that nature on this blog...but it's mostly going to be daily, boring (maybe) rants about my life. I don't want to keep feeling like my blog has to 'become' something, or work toward a particular purpose. I need a way to release all of my emotions and worries and cares...and I don't give a damn if people think it's self-indulgent. Believe me, the world would not want to deal with a Katie who has no means of catharsis.

---

So, on that note. I am sick, as of yesterday morning at 6:00am. I seem to be getting slightly worse/staying the same. I'm going to the pharmacy in a bit to consult with someone there. I'm sort of lost in terms of what medicine to buy and I don't want to waste my money. in fact I really don't even want to take medicine but I can't keep feeling this crappy if I expect to attend all three of my classes tomorrow. And my meeting. And my other meeting.
Today has actually been strangely productive. I'm usually not productive at all when I'm sick, but my productivity was greatly aided by the fact that the Internet was NOT WORKING for hours this morning. I barely had any signal and it was incredibly slow. Anyway, here's what I did this lovely Halloween morning:

• wrote my final paper proposal for one of my classes [Coming to Terms with Popular Culture]
• wrote a rough outline of my final project for another class [Human Ecology]
• organized all of my Google Chrome bookmarks
• watched a TED talk that I needed to see for my third class [Changing Schools, Changing Society]
• emailed someone re: a potential job next summer

Doesn't seem like that much, but keep in mind-- I'm sick. And slightly lazy. It doesn't feel like Halloween at all. I'm not going trick-or-treating because walking around at night in the cold does not seem conducive to a speedy recovery from this thing, whatever it is. There's an Ed. Studies panel discussion tonight but I doubt I'm going to make it to that either. The rest of the afternoon looks like this: physical therapy, pharmacy, hang out in room, dinner, hang out in room. Hopefully I'll get some more work done.
Last night I started working on some of the things that are going in people's Christmas packages. I really like doing arts-n-crafts-y type things (if that makes any sense at all). I've also discovered that I love making collages. I mean I sort of knew that I did but in the past few years I hadn't made any so I forgot. Speaking of collages, I (well, my partner and I, actually) got the highest grade in the class on my midterm presentation (which involved a huge collage) for Pop Culture. Very proud.

Alright I am going to find something at least marginally productive to do until my friend comes to chauffer me to PT (she's such a sweetheart, really).