Hey there

At this time last year I was sitting alone in my dorm room, not studying for my last final, and wondering whether or not I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life. I was pretty confused, extremely depressed, and not very certain about what I wanted or even who I was. All I could do was trust my instincts.

Thanks, instincts. You led me into the arms of the most wonderful man in the world- my best friend and my future husband. You also led me to the most innovative and unbelievably amazing school on the planet. And somehow you also helped me realize it was finally time to lose weight (and keep it off) and start making healthier choices.

Then                                                                              Now
220 lbs                                                                         160 lbs
Single/involved with a guy who was not              In a serious, loving relationship (soon-to-be
good for me                                                                 engaged, actually) with my soulmate
At a school I knew was all wrong for me               Still pinching myself because sometimes I cannot
                                                                                      believe COA is real
Couldn't run 30 seconds without gasping            Have completed four 5Ks, one 10K, and am
for breath                                                                     currently training for a half-marathon
Was afraid to dance, alone or in public                 Planning on becoming a Zumba instructor. Danced
                                                                                      in a shopping mall in front of hundreds of people.

It's really interesting to think about which decisions spurred which outcomes. If I didn't take the job at Mind Body Sole, I wouldn't have started running or doing Zumba. If I hadn't left UGA, I wouldn't have been looking for a job during my semester off. If I hadn't gone to UGA, I wouldn't have had a semester off because I would have been in school. Also, if I hadn't gone to UGA, I would never have met the friend who convinced me to make an account on OkCupid. If I hadn't made that account, I wouldn't have met my boyfriend. And if I hadn't met my boyfriend...well, I guess I wouldn't know exactly what I was missing, but I wouldn't have found the most perfect person for me.

All of this thinking/connecting the dots is exhausting(!!!) Basically even though I ended up leaving UGA, it was a huge part of my life, and important for so many different reasons. I learned so much about myself while I was there...and I've become a much stronger, more assertive, and more confident person as a result.

Enough reminiscing. I'm really tired. Got up at 7:00ish, ran 2 miles, worked 9:30-5:30, ate dinner, caught up with things online, edited my boyfriend's paper, and now thinking about all of the things I should be doing...

Whatever. Going to wrap the last of the Christmas presents and just relax until bedtime :)

I've gotten back on track with my diet...hoping it will stay that way (relatively, I'm totally allowing indulgences! Two parties this weekend [yikes] and then Christmas next weekend!)

Breakfast: one vegan waffle w/ 1 tbsp Better 'N' Peanut Butter [AMAZING], Morningstar Farm veggie sausage patty, strawberry soy yogurt

Lunch: baby carrots w/ roasted red pepper hummus, garlic Melba toast snacks, banana, salad [spring mix, cucumber, celery, tomato, pumpkin seeds] w/ homemade Italian dressing

Snack: rice crackers

Dinner: Morningstar Farm Grillers Original veggie burger on a light wheat bun w/ BBQ sauce and relish, roasted sweet potatoes and onions, steamed brussel sprouts

Snack/dessert: unsweetened candy cane tea and...a CANDY CANE (duh)

Intake: 1613 cal
Outtake: 222 cal [2 mi run]
Net: 1391 cal

I mean a little higher than I used to want, but it's all good. I didn't binge, I ate healthfully, and I feel completely satisfied. That's all I can ask of myself.
                                                                             

Food/exercise, and control

Vegan pumpkin pie is baking in the oven! About 20 more minutes until it's done, and then it has to cool for an hour and set in the refrigerator for a while. It (hopefully) will not be touched until dessert on Thanksgiving day. It wasn't too hard to make, although I did have some issues with the consistency of the crust. Anyway.

Ran 2.5 miles today and felt so great! Tomorrow I'm not sure if I'll have much time to work out, but if I do it'll just be some light cross-training at the gym for 30-40 minutes. I need to rest up for my 5K on Thursday morning (SO EXCITED). This is by far the biggest race I've ever participated in- over 10,000 runners, INCLUDING: Joan Benoit Samuelson and Bill Rodgers! I'm hoping to get their autographs tomorrow when I go to the race expo and pick up my number.

I finally feel in control of my eating again, and of course it's because I'm at home and I get to decide everything I eat. I have some control at school, I guess, but it's not like I actually get to choose what to cook, from a seemingly infinite number of options. I get to choose from the options someone else lays out for me. I wish I had more willpower, and I think I can try and make better decisions, but ultimately I  know that I will inevitably eat better/healthier foods and more reasonable portions when I cook at home. I do cook for myself on the weekends at school and I don't have the money to cook for myself during the rest of the week, especially considering that my dining hall meals have already been purchased.

Today I had oatmeal with a tbsp of apple butter, a coconut-milk yogurt with blueberries, and herbal tea for breakfast. For lunch I had a slice of sprouted wheat bread with a little peanut butter and cinnamon (weird combo but one that I adore), baby carrots and hummus, and leftover roasted brussel sprouts. I felt hungry after eating all that so then I had a clementine. I also had 16oz water with lunch.

While baking the pie I had a couple spoonfuls of the crust dough and filling but I'm not stressing about that. I had another 16oz water after my run. Dinner will be 1 or 1.5 bowls of roasted vegetable soup and possibly a piece of tempeh with ginger-soy marinade.

I'm really enjoying planning my meals again and I know I won't be able to at school so I'm trying not to get too comfortable with this...but I so badly want to be close to 150 when I go back at the beginning of January, because I know I'll have no issues maintaining my weight. And as my half-marathon training gets more intense maybe I WILL lose weight, who knows?